Hey!
So this is the start of a new series on my blog called 'Finding Me'.
I have always suffered from anxiety but until recently I didn't actually know it was anxiety I was suffering from, I think all my life it has been an issue but sometimes it just takes a series of events for you to come to the realisation of "ok I do suffer from generalised anxiety."
If you don't know what anxiety is then let me put it this way, anything and everything can make you anxious. From phone calls to going to bed at night, the littlest things can trigger an anxiety attack.
It's only over the last few months that I have understood this disorder, I have read so many articles about it and have been able to relate to them all.
Read more about anxiety here -
I worry A LOT, and being away from home at university makes worrying much worse. Luckily I have really supportive friends and family at home and at university who all know how much I worry and are always on hand to reassure me or calm me down.
I think the stress of third year at university has increased my anxiety levels, I had a couple of very dark weeks during October last year where I was having frequent panic attacks and terrible thoughts that something awful was going to happen to me which then made me even worse. I didn't understand why I was feeling this way and why my heart was beating at 100mph, so I made the decision to go home from university and recuperate at home for a week. Whilst I was at home I visited my GP who has been seeing me since I was baby and discussed my symptoms with him. He told me it was all because I was feeling anxious and that many things can bring it on such as feeling stressed with university work, he also told me that I was suffering from a mild form of depression which I had an idea of as I had been feeling pretty rubbish for quite a long time. I think it is very important to be the bigger person and admit how you are feeling, you will never get help or learn to get better if you don't admit the problem and believe me when I say people are a lot more understanding than you think.
Once I was feeling better I headed back to university, I carried on with life and seemed to be feeling better, I had my down days but I was feeling a lot brighter and happier. However, I did notice different lifestyle choices were effecting my moods and certain aspects would make my anxiety and panic attacks worse and some better.
I knew I needed to make some changes in my life, I needed to find happiness and fight my battles so one day I just woke up and said -
I knew I needed to make some changes in my life, I needed to find happiness and fight my battles so one day I just woke up and said -
"you know what, I need to make some serious life changes. Change is good!"
I even tweeted it - ha ha!
It was from this that I started, what I'd like to call it, my spiritual journey. I started by erasing all the things I knew were bad for my anxiety, removing people that I knew were toxic to my soul, thoughts that were toxic to my mind etc. (although this a lot easier said than done).
My first saviour was a book called -
The Art Of Happiness by HH Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler.
This book is honestly LIFE CHANGING, it has given me a new and exciting positive outlook on life, opened my eyes to so much more than myself, made me look at my surroundings, society, given me more compassion for humans and animals, the list goes on.
Ok, I know it might sound like I am being some sort of hippie preacher but its not like that at all. If anything its made me look at real life issues rather than the insignificant dramas in my life. This book takes you on a journey through the purpose of life, discusses human warmth and compassion, how to transform suffering, how to overcome obstacles and finally how to live a spiritual life.
Its taught me to remove anything from my life that causes me suffering, to be more compassionate and understand the values and benefits, changed my perspective on suffering and learn to just be me. I will admit, I am only half way through the book but its already taught me so much so far, I look forward to waking up in the mornings and seeing what the day brings, I feel blessed every time I open my eyes because I have been given another day, I am breathing, I am human and I should be happy.
I am grateful for everything I have, for the life I have been given, for the fact I am on this beautiful earth and I want to embrace that.
These next few post's will be dedicated solely to my 'Finding Me' series, taking you a long with me on my spiritual journey to inner peace and happiness. I want to inspire others who are feeling as rubbish as I was just a few months ago, others who feel they have nothing to smile about, people who are suffering mentally or physically. Just know that you are not alone and every person is struggling with a battle of their own and everyone's story is different but you can come through the other side, happiness is all that matters, its what we all want right?
This week -
Here is an Instagram which inspires me everyday -
Here is a magazine which explores self, identity and meaning in today's society.
❤
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